I’m doing a lot of commuting right now until the house sells and we can move the family to Kernersville. With all this time spent on the road, I’ve noticed that most other drivers are completely oblivious to how terrible their driving is. I figure I have two options: 1) explode in an atomic explosion of road rage, or 2) blog about it.
Since being a pastor makes me holy, I’ll choose option #2.
So here are some driving rules that I expect all of you to follow. Please.
- There are two lanes. One is for going fast so that you can pass. That’s the left one. The other is for people that are being passed. That’s you. Move over.
- I understand that your BFF Marcy is having a total breakdown because her hairstylist said she had big cheekbones, but seriously. Get off your cell phone or pull over. My minivan is bigger than your 2-seater convertible and I’m not afraid to give you a little nudge towards the guardrail.
- The car is for driving. I had assumed this was obvious, but it seems some of you ladies have gotten confused. How to know if you are confused? If you are putting on makup, chatting on the phone, eating a breakfast burrito and reading People Magazine all while careening down the interstate at 70mph YOU ARE CONFUSED.
- You may be a psychic, but I’m not. Use your turn signal when you turn. And leaving it on ALL THE TIME doesn’t count, in case you were wondering.
- Farmers with huge pickup trucks manufactured before 1970: why must you always swerve in front of me and then drive 20mph under the speed limit? Is this a rule in the Farmer’s Almanac I didn’t know about? While your dog in the back is cute, he’s drooling on my windshield.
- When you see a State Trooper, and you are going the speed limit DON’T SLAM ON BRAKES. Now you have caused me to plow my minivan into your rear. This is a great way to get the trooper’s attention and make him very angry.
- Hey, Mr. Trucker. If you come up behind me trying to intimidate me into speeding up and getting over, it isn’t going to work. Actually, this action will cause me to slow to Grandma speed and I will tell my kids to pump their arms up and down until you honk your horn. I know how much you guys love that.
Have any rules to add? Feel free to use the comments to vent.
[tags]driving tips, funny, bad drivers[/tags]
