All posts in Humor

First, let me say from the start that this post is completely biased.  Math and I have been enemies since 3rd grade.  3rd grade is when I discovered the fleeting joys of cheating.  It was in 4th grade that I discovered the lasting pain to my rear when my parents discovered that their young son had become an expert cheater.  I had been getting A’s on my math tests, yet I knew NO MATH WHATSOEVER.  I thought it was a pretty good deal that I could get good grades and not know anything.  My parents didn’t share my sense of good fortune.

So all the way through long division, fractions (and multiplying fractions), pre-algebra, algebra, word problems, physics, chemistry, and quantum physics I longed for the day when I would take my last math class.  Then the day came as a sophomore in college.  I believe the last word problem I did involved calculating the angle of a truck bed in relation to a pile of cow manure.  I had to calculate how much force it would take to move x pounds of dung up the inclined truck bed.  My math professor was a redneck who wore overalls to class.  I passed the class (I understand dung).  I thought that, after many battles, I had finally won the war.  Math was dead, and I stood victorious.  I could now spend the rest of my life wallowing in the glorious subjective goo of all that it is to be an English major.  I recently found some of my old papers from my senior lit classes.  One of the comments on the paper was something like, “Ben, your writing style is excellent.  You communicate your thoughts well and the paper is engaging to read.  However, you don’t seem to have a good grasp of the novel and do not cover any of the themes of the book with any detail.  Did you even read the book?”  You know what grade I got on that paper?  I got an A.  That’s what I mean by “subjective goo”.

Read more…