The Clap Offering
// September 9th, 2009 // 11 Comments » // Church Life, Humor
I grew up in a church that did “modern” worship before it was cool. Granted, what we did wasn’t exactly Hillsongs United, but it did involve an overhead projector and a PA system. It was the 7-11 approach to worship music. 7 words, sung 11 times. Remember “I Exalt Thee”?
A lot of things have changed since then, but one thing has not.
The Clap Offering.
When the worship band finishes a song it never feels like it should end.  We never know quite what to do with our hands during that moment.  If we were attending a performance, we would clap for the band during that awkward dead air. It’s what we do at rock shows. We congratulate the band on a good performance by clapping. Or, alternatively, we clap for the performers to make them feel better about a bad performance, as is the case at your daughter’s dance recitals.
But at church we aren’t supposed to be performing. Yet, we feel this compulsion to clap. We can’t help it. We find ourselves clapping, then realize we can’t clap for the band so someone will shout “Let’s give a clap offering to the Lord! Hurray!”
Uhhh… whah? I’m no Jesus, but I don’t know how impressed He’ll be by my sacrificial slapping of skin together. Or does Jesus really appreciate a good clap? Does it make Him feel better about Himself when I say, “Way to go, Jesus. Nice job.”?
And, I’m confused. What makes a good clap offering? What’s the difference between one that may be “acceptible to the Lord only because of grace” and one that He really likes? How would the apostle Paul clap? Is there a clap offering technique to be practiced? What if I do the cheerleader clap with both palms cupped and hitting together?
Do I get extra “points” for the over-the-head, rock-n-roll front man clap while bobbing my head? What if I turn to the audience and start waving my hands up and down, palms up saying “give it up! give it up! A clap offering. give it up! give it up!” I may not be clapping myself, but I am releasing others into their clap callings per Ephesians 4:11-12.
What about the slow, yet building faster and louder clap? It’s more dramatic, does that make it better? You can combine this one with a standing ovation and a knowing nod to your neighbors too. Very versatile.
Or the famous golf clap? It’s soft, yet respectful.
What if I lost both my palms in a terrible handball accident and all I can do is snap my fingers? Is the “snap offering” a reasonable, if inferior, substitute for the clap offering? They say that when you lose one sense, the others intensify. I bet there are some palmless people out there that can really snap like the dickens. Should they be excluded?
This gets really confusing when someone does a “special”. Even if the special involves a mime, silver spandex, inflated gold balloons, and Twila Paris’ “God Is in Control”; we still feel the need to clap. But now we are really confused because this seemed like more of a performance because everyone was sitting down and the mime is the pastor, but we still don’t think we are really allowed to clap for someone other than Jesus. So we clap, but maybe we gaze up at heaven thoughtfully or season our clapping with a few “Amens” and “Hallelujahs” to perhaps deflect some of the clapping toward heaven nonetheless.
Or maybe it’s not the clap, but the heart behind the clap that matters.