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I’m a native English speaker. I also speak a little bit of Spanglish.

Como se name? Me llamo is Ben. I gusto tacos. Donde esta el bathroom?

I’m also fluent in Christianese. Being a pastor’s kid, this was the first language that I learned. To this day, when I encounter a Christian native, I’m able to communicate with ease regardless of the dialect (Assembly of God, Baptist, Methodist, Pentacostal, charismatic, simple church, house church, etc). It’s the only way to survive on the mean streets of Christendom.

Hello, Brother! This is the day that the Lord has made! There was a disturbance in the heavenlies this morning, but hallelujah I had a check in my spirit and did warfare with my prayer language and tore down that principality. Can I get an Amen on that? I can’t wait to lift up praise as incense in His nostrils this morning at church. We’re really gonna get a download aren’t we! God is good! (echo – “all the time”). All the time (echo – “God is good”)

It’s a good thing we have such a rich Christianese language. Otherwise, the uninitiated heathen population would be able to infiltrate our ranks and undermine our way of life. Imagine the chaos that would fall upon us if an unregenerate soul were to sneak into our secret gatherings and actually understand our covert messages. They would try to steal our ancient truths and propagate them outside of our control. And knowing how such zealots can be, they probably would not even give us credit.

If you are not yet fluent in Christianese, there is hope for you. I’ve put together a few tips to help you:

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