What Men Want

// October 3rd, 2007 // Family Life

LoveHeather and I are doing a pair of posts on what women and men want within the context of marriage. Heather started off yesterday by mentioning the “love languages” and how they have been helpful for us. I completely agree, with one caution. How we love and receive love from others can be distorted by our experiences and our hurts.

When we first took the love language test I found that my language was “receiving/giving gifts”. But really, that was an expression of a core belief I had that God wouldn’t provide for me. That I had to provide for myself, or someone else had to do it for me. The result was that I had a hidden and unrealistic expectation of Heather to fill a need that only God could fill. (you can guess how that worked out for me!) As God began to heal me of that, my love language changed. Or rather, my real personality was uncovered in this area. Now I would consider my primary love language to be “words of affection”.

So all that to say, we have to be careful not to ever think we have our spouse totally figured out…

Here’s my list of things I (and perhaps most men) want:

  • Don’t make us guess. We really don’t know why you’re mad. No clue at all. Just tell us straight out, we’ll feel REALLY REALLY bad, repent of our wicked ways and then do whatever you ask for at least an hour. Or until we get distracted.
  • Don’t ask us to go to the store and purchase feminine products for you. I don’t believe that God or John Wayne would approve of any man going into a store and being forced to ask a sales person which one to get. A humiliated husband is FAR LESS LIKELY to be willing to take out the trash in a timely manner.
  • You may think all men’s primary love language is sex. That isn’t true at all. Really. For us, it’s about the snuggling. Really. I mean it.
  • Respect me. Not like you respect your Daddy or Josh Groban (speaking of, we ALL hate Josh Groban). But respect me like, “I’m the man of your dreams and if Brad Pitt was available, saved, and had never made the movie “Alexander” you’d still pick me without hesitation. You think I can fix anything and find my excess hair to be sexy.”
  • We want to be known as much as you do. Even though we act like emotionally vapid kuckleheads most of the time, we still have the same desire to be known by you as we really are. Push us for that. Dig for it. It’s what we really want.
  • Put the lid on the toothpaste. This is really just an aside directed at Heather. This has little to do with what Men want and more to do with COMMON SENSE. Heather, could you put the lid on the toothpaste? It gets all dried out and plugged and I spend 10 minutes every morning digging it out. Thanks.


As the prophet Jerry Springer once said, “Be good to each other, and yourselves.”

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8 Responses to “What Men Want”. Gravatars are enabled.

  1. Jan says:
    October 3, 2007 at 1:41 pm

    TEN MINUTES, Ben??? That’s a lot of time to dig out dried toothpaste. I think it would be more prudent to get a guy tube and a girl tube.

    Reply
  2. Rodney M says:
    October 4, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    I’m too busy laughing to write anything coherent. Nice post!

    Reply
  3. Julie says:
    October 4, 2007 at 6:57 pm

    Who is this group that ALL hates Josh Groban. As a man writing about love and God, you should know that He doesn’t approve of hating. You should be ashamed of yourself, even if you are only jesting. What’s to hate about the man….unless you are envious….gee, isn’t that another sin God isn’t too fond of?

    My husband, bless his manly heart, is enough of a man to buy feminine hygiene products without batting an eyelash. He makes weird jokes to the cashiers too….he’s a funny guy and I wouldn’t trade him for Brad Pitt. Ever.

    Reply
  4. Ben Cotten says:
    October 4, 2007 at 8:10 pm

    Julie, maybe you read through a little fast or something, because I think you are the only one that missed the fact that my aside about the Grobster was totally tongue-in-cheek.

    I don’t hate Josh Groban. Maybe I should put ;-) at the end of every sentence?

    And for the record… I don’t believe Jerry Springer is a prophet either.

    Reply
  5. Heather Cotten says:
    October 4, 2007 at 8:22 pm

    Ok…so I should probably say here that Ben is one of the friendliest people I know and hates no one. In fact, I rarely even see him dislike anyone. He doesn’t hate Josh Groban…he actually bought me a CD once to be nice and romantic. He also goes whenever I ask to get feminine products (sorry Ben I had to squeal on you) :)

    Reply
  6. Ben Cotten says:
    October 4, 2007 at 8:54 pm

    Not only that, but I paint nails, put hair in pony tails, dress Barbies, watch High School Musical 1 AND 2, cook, clean and occasionally cry.

    I have two daughters. Before I can blink I will be surrounded by feminine products and training bras. Cut me some slack?

    Reply
  7. Rodney M says:
    October 5, 2007 at 9:43 am

    Ben wrote: “I have two daughters. Before I can blink I will be surrounded by feminine products and training bras. Cut me some slack?”

    Trust me, I feel your pain. I’ve painted many nails, tried (pathetically) to braid hair, I’ve had MY hair put up in pig tails (when it was longer), put cream on butts and more. My job is to wash the dishes. I’m Mr. Mom when Kim goes to work. If we ever get together Ben, we’ll sit around and smoke cigars, drink a manly beverage (if I can handle it), and burp and fart and watch football or boxing or some sport with physical contact. Then when we get sick from the smoke, queasiness, and foul odor of the atmosphere, we’ll happily go back to our estrogen-laced households for more normal (and tolerable) activities.

    Reply
  8. lew says:
    October 5, 2007 at 11:40 am

    yea, snuggling. that is exactly what i was going to say.

    Reply

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