Dealing with Disappointment and Suffering

// October 1st, 2007 // Christian Living, Sunday Recap

Jesus-thornsOne thing that is common to all mankind is suffering and disappointment. Perhaps all of us have suffered varying degrees of heartache, but certainly all of us have known what it is like to be downtrodden, disappointed. So the question for the Christian is not if suffering and disappointment will come, but rather how will we respond when it inevitably knocks on our door. There’s no promise in scripture that once we get saved, the suffering stops and life turns into a series of Full House episodes.

I don’t think most of our churches really make room for allowing people to express any emotion other than exuberant excitement about God, church and life in general. When we are having to walk through a difficult time, we don’t give ourselves or those around us permission to admit it. We throw on our Perma-Grin like just another clothing accessory and flash it any time someone asks how we are doing. I’ve known people that were experiencing terrible tragedy and insisted that they were “doing just fine”. Nevermind that no one bought it. They still insisted.

I think we have to first recognize that suffering and tragedy are a central theme in the Bible. We don’t have to look any farther than Jesus to figure that out. When we ignore this fact, then we don’t know how to help each other. We end up giving each other pat answers and trite religious expressions that not only offer no comfort whatsoever but really make things worse.

So then how are we to respond to tragedy? What is God’s answer to our grief? I think there’s only one place we can find comfort, and that’s in the sovereignty of our God. God is in control of all things big and small. Nothing escapes the reach of His will. This means that no Christian dies or suffers in vain. No pain is wasted. Sickness, death and the Devil are all dogs at the end of His leash and God is working everything to His purposes and for our good. Read the book of Job and you will see that over and over God’s answer to Job’s cries for comfort is His own sovereignty over all things.

When we hear that “God is in control of everything” we can respond in one of 3 ways. How we respond is determined by who we think God is.

  1. Anger and frustration. “How could God be good if this is happening and He is in control?”
  2. Denial. “I just don’t want to think about it. I can do this myself.”
  3. Awe at His majesty that brings comfort. “Wow, God your are so much bigger than me. I don’t understand this or why it’s happening, but I trust you.”

If we don’t believe God is good and that He loves us then we will always respond to His sovereignty in the first way. In this way, we cut ourselves off from the comfort that only God can give. Our suffering turns bitter and lingers until it festers. Our life becomes defined by the tragedy long after the immediate pain is gone.

If we believe God is good, but not that He loves us then we will respond the second way. We may believe God is good, but not that His goodness is directed towards us personally. God is distant. God is usually angry and Jesus only died for us begrudgingly and reluctantly. In fact, He’s still miffed about the whole thing. So God is angry a lot and Jesus is removed sitting next to the Father, arms crossed shaking his head at us all the time. This results in a “pull yourself up by your boot straps” attitude that is equally as counterproductive and miserable.

If we believe God is good and that He loves us by expressing His goodness to us for our benefit, then the sovereignty of God becomes the most comforting and life-giving thing you can imagine. It means that there will be an end to our suffering. It means that there is a point to the madness. It means that our lives are not random, meaningless events strung together. It means that there is a plan. There is a purpose. It means that somehow, some way all this will be to our benefit and bring glory to our King.

It means that while we weep, mourn and scream at the heavens beneath it all there can peace.

I thought I would leave you with two links that I have found to be profound:

John Piper’s granddaughter was stillborn at full term on Sept. 22. He spoke briefly at the funeral and posted it in its entirety on his blog. When I read it, I nearly fell to pieces. I’ve never had a family member die so tragically, yet his perspective on it blew me away.

There is a woman who found out that the child in her womb was very sick and would either be stillborn or would not last but briefly once born. Still, they decided NOT TO ABORT the child. She journaled her experience on her blog. She’s a very good writer and startlingly open. There is a lot on her blog to read, but start with the post on the day the child died and then about the funeral. What a heavenly perspective!

Don’t worry. Tomorrow’s post won’t be so sad… ;-)

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

This website uses IntenseDebate comments, but they are not currently loaded because either your browser doesn't support JavaScript, or they didn't load fast enough.

3 Responses to “Dealing with Disappointment and Suffering”. Gravatars are enabled.

  1. Diana says:
    October 5, 2007 at 9:47 pm

    I read both of those posts last week with tears in my eyes. On Sunday, Sept. 30 we went to my fathers grave to bury the ashes of our granddaughter who was stillborn. Strange that so many similar losses happened at the same time…or maybe I am just keenly aware of them because of my own. This is what I wrote in my blog…”It is hard to understand a loss like this. When my father died, at the age of 81, he had lived a long and full life. And he was suffering…from diabetes, congestive heart failure, blindness, and finally a stroke. Although it was sad to lose him, we rejoiced in the fact that he was in heaven and not suffering any more. But Charlotte…we grieved over the fact that her death was so senseless and that we never got to know her. I can imagine what she would have been like when I look at her big sister Noelle…but we’ll never know…or will we?

    My faith tells me that she is in heaven with the great grandfather that she is buried with. So when my heart is troubled I think about them sitting at the feet of Jesus. And the things of this earth will go strangely dim…grief, loss, pain…all momentary troubles in light of eternity!”

    Thanks for reminding us that there can be peace in the midst of the losses of life.

    Reply
  2. Ben Cotten says:
    October 6, 2007 at 3:45 pm

    Diana, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can’t imagine it (and don’t want to).

    I heard someone say once that “Jesus is not a crutch. No, we’re much more dependent on Him than that. He’s more like a stretcher.”

    All we can do is let Him carry us. Thanks for being so open in your comment.

    Reply
  3. No, Not "Mathletes", "Mathetes" : Real Life says:
    January 11, 2010 at 9:59 am

    [...] Awake, written by my friends Ben and Heather. Ben is a pastor, and shares a unique wisdom from the Scripture, as well as hilarious parody at times. This is my favorite one, Certified Marriage Advice. Heather [...]

    Reply

Leave a Reply